My baby is now 7 months, and five months has passed since I last written my thoughts here. Finding a balance between my personal life and my baby's needs is quite a challenge for me. He's become very clingy and now knows how to throw tantrums. As a new mom, I am torn between the battle of an-always-present-mom vs. hoping-not-to-raise-a-brat-child situation. 

My boys are sleeping as I write now, and midnight has been my alone/personal time recently. They say that when your baby is asleep, sleep with them. But nothing in that saying is true because there are tons of things that you can accomplish once the baby is in his dreamland. By tons I meant cleaning the bottles, fixing the bed, washing clothes, picking up toys, taking a shower, preparing food, and all sorts of mommy duties you can think of. That's why when midnight comes, it's either I rest together with my boys or take advantage of the time for myself. 

It's tough being a mom. You are not just taking care of yourself. In fact, you take care of your baby more than yourself. It's like playing Tamagotchi but is way more difficult than pressing buttons and waiting for it to beep again. I have respected my mom ever since and am now respecting her and all other moms for doing a job well done for raising a child.

Despite all the tiring mum duties, the endless bottle cleaning, losing your voice for making weird noises and faces, trying to keep edible-looking stuff clean and safe, putting him to bed for and hour and cradling him again after 15 minutes and putting him back again to bed, preparing his food, keeping his diaper and milk close at hand, and just trying to keep everything in order, I am still very very very very much grateful to have been a mom. I will always look at this as a blessing and not a heavy load. :)

This is the reason why at the end of the day I feel both exhausted and happy. Cheers to all the mums out there! 

Happy mom, 

B.

They say that having a baby is a pile of adjustments. Yet again, this is true. Vincent and I have a different set-up compared to usual couples who've had their first child. We aren't married yet, so, there's a lot of adaptation to do from both parties. 

Things to adapt with:

1. Take care of the baby. This includes: having sleepless nights; knowing your kid's needs; buying more baby stuff you didn't know that exist; proper cradling, bathing and feeding.

2. Knowing what's right for your little one. Here and there you'll hear things like "dapat ganito", "dapat ganyan" from people who try to help you with parenting. It can be a little confusing sometimes since some advice are contradicting. Always remember that you are the mother and you know what's best for your cutie. 

3. The pressure of breastfeeding. A mom's milk is very important. But what would you do if you've tried real hard to breastfeed but there isn't any milk coming out? Be ready for the people who will push you to do it. My milk came out four days after giving birth. 

3. Take care of yourself. I didn't want to look losyang after giving birth so I try to look good as long as I can. But, when you have a baby, a quick shower and a quick dump of poo is already a pleasure. Meaning, 80% of your time is mostly spent for your baby. The luxury of combing my hair happens only after I've taken a bath. 

4. Take care of your partner. I have two roles now - a mother and a wife. Technically speaking, I am not a wife yet, but that is not an excuse for playing my role. As much as possible, I want to provide the things that comforts my fiance. From simply serving him during meal time to physically and emotionally being there whenever he has a story or a rant to tell. 

5. Adjust with two homes. Since we don't have our own place yet, we decided to live with both our families. How? On weekdays we stay at my place and on weekends we stay at his. These are two families that we need to adjust with. Complying with house rules, showing respect, keeping our area clean and keeping ourselves from interfering with their daily routines is a must. I find this a good opportunity to know and bond with the in-laws. :)

6. Entertaining visitors. Everyone's excited about your baby. Friends, relatives and even distant people would like to see your first born. It may be a little challenging to prepare and entertain your visitors while trying to answer the needs of your baby. Don't get me wrong, we love having visitors and it's good to see that your newborn already feels loved and welcomed. :) 

Having all of these really make the first month a real challenge. Don't worry, you'll learn to adapt and eventually the cry of your baby will become a  pleasure to your ears. :)

Adjusted mom,

B.

December 17, 2013

Okay, so this was the day I thought was the end of my life. It's true - labor is really painful!

The doctor advised me to go straight to the hospital if any of the three signs arise: bleeding, a sudden gush of water and consistent contractions. It was 6 am on a Tuesday when I got up from bed and went to the toilet to pee. I was still a little sleepy when I saw blood in the bowl. I did not panic because I've waited for that day to happen. I was really feeling uncomfortable days before giving birth and I just want my baby to come out.

My mom and sister were panicking while they contact Vincent and the doctor. I, for the record, decided to take a bath. Haha! I realized I didn't have any idea on what's going to happen next, or how long labor will be, or whether I'll be giving birth on that day or not, so I better be hygienically prepared for whatever it is to come. Plus, having a bath makes me comfortable. :)

I went into labor for 12 hours. I was only 1cm when I got there and my contractions were just starting to be in consistent intervals. I did not feel anything at all. I don't know the feeling of contractions so I just relied on the machine that monitors it. While waiting for the big event, a woman came in crying of pain. I was watching her as her doctor examines her and teaches her how to push. Thirty minutes after, I heard her baby cry! She's one lucky girl.

I felt really hungry while waiting (didn't have breakfast and it was lunch time already!) so I begged the nurses to allow me to eat. Water wasn't even allowed so I was really feeling restless. I said to myself, how will I push my baby if I didn't have energy to do so, right? :)

I slowly felt the contractions as I progress from 1cm to 3cms. It was already painful for me whose pain tolerance was too low. The doctor then gave me a sedative (I caught my baby giggling while he sleeps as I write this). At around 5pm I was regularly woken up by my contractions, it was that painful that even my sedative lost its effect. I overheard the nurses talk to the doctor over the phone that I was only 5cms at that time and that I was in agony. Here's the scenario: I wake up feeling like I need to go to the toilet and have a big poo, my body voluntarily curls up to lessen the pain then I semi-consciously catch myself saying, "Ang sakit!" This happened several times.

I then found myself being transferred to the delivery room. I saw many medical staff look at me as I cry. I will never forget the feeling of extreme contractions! 

Luckily, I made the best decision ever - to deliver unconsciously. Thank God our body was made to do its own job even if you are sedated. I didn't care much of knowing the feeling of pushing and hearing your baby cry, although I know it would have been a different story, but I just don't think I'll be able to endure the pain. 

So the magic sedative was injected and I dozed off and didn't feel anything. Half of me was thinking I'll just wait for God to pick my soul up, and the other was waiting for reality to come to life again. 

At around past 11pm, I was awaken by a loud voice saying, "Ma'am Jessica, tapos na po, gising na." And then first thing I felt was a pain in my ass. I knew I was stitched. Before I left the recovery room, there he was, my little angel, was brought to me by the nurse. He was so cute, has a white complexion and was so tiny. My thoughts were: I can't believe he came from me. I can't believe I made it through that excruciating pain. I can't believe I'm still alive...and that...I AM A SUPER WOMAN! 

Me trying to breastfeed for the first time.

To the future moms out there, I'm warning you to gather a lot of courage, patience, strength, and good health. You will need all of these not only on your delivery day but also for the days to come after. 

Mom for two months now, 

B.

*Super late post*

November 23, 2013

A surprise baby shower was prepared for me by my friends and family on the 8th month of my pregnancy. Oh how I felt so loved during that day! It was a simple shower comprised of my family, Vincent's family and my barkada. Everything was prepared just as how I pictured it to be. I am greatly thankful for all the people involved for making this event happen. Caleb already felt welcomed to the outside world! :)

Happy mommy, 

B.