This is it! My visa has been approved and am booked to fly on July 6. When I read the email IDP sent me, I didn’t know what to feel. I had mixed emotions. Part of me was (or should I say, is still) scared, excited and sad all at the same time. I wonder where the happy part was. Seriously, I felt like fainting. I felt the butterflies in my stomach and my hands started trembling. Oh, not to mention the part when my eyes got all teary.

The process of waiting for the visa to be approved wasn’t scary at all. I was enjoying my bum days at home with my family or sometimes with friends. It felt like I was on a vacation. Parang nung wala lang akong work after my graduation. So, the moment I got THE letter, it all sunk in to me. Eto na yun eh. The things I’ve been praying for are now finally in front of my face, waiting for me to take them in. There’s no turning back.

A yearlong of preparation doesn’t seem to be enough to put me in order emotionally and physically (I am spiritually prepared, though). There were countless times when I wake up in the morning and cry. I even cry in the shower, or while aboard a tricycle on my way to work. I’d even weep myself to sleep in some nights. There were also instances when I badly wanted to back out and forget all about it. Sometimes I’d say to myself, “What if I take up a different field instead?” then at the back of my mind I’d say, “Ano naman kaya yun?” or “I’d take all the chances of becoming a nurse here in the Philippines.” then I’ll say “Tatanda na ako nun wala parin akong ipon.”

IT WAS DIFFICULT and IS STILL GOING TO BE DIFFICULT. That’s all I can say. It takes a lot of courage and faith to come up with a life changing decision. This isn’t any kind of joke. This is something serious that will hopefully make a difference in my life. This is about me building a better and brighter future. This is about me fulfilling my dreams and reaching my goals in life. This is about me proving to myself that I can be better than what I expected myself to be.

The moment my Tito offered to me the opportunity to study and eventually work in Australia, 60% of myself was firm on saying yes. The other 40% was dealing with the hardest part – FEAR. Not all nurses are offered such chances in life and I am one of the lucky ones to be presented with one. Kumbaga sa commercial, “Eto na ang break mo.”  I mean, there’s no harm in trying, right? Just like what my mentors (friends. Yees, mentors :)) say, “You can always go back if ever things don’t fall into place.” I know it’s going to be hard and will almost feel like giving up, but in the end it will all come down to the reason WHY you wanted this in the first place.

This has been a struggle for me. I failed my IELTS exam twice and I am not embarrassed of it. Flunking my IELTS taught me how to accept failures and not to take things for granted. Kung feeling mo easy lang, well hindi. You'll be surprised at how hard things can be. It also taught me not to believe in signs (“Baka sign na hindi para sa akin tong Australia”). Thanks to Vincent who was always there to support, motivate and give me words of wisdom. He'd pull me up when I'm at the verge of falling. He has been a huge part of this challenge in my life. THANK YOU! :)

From application to passing IELTS and now finally waiting for my departure, I believe that this has been God’s way of saying, “Go my child, you shall not fear for I have prepared everything for you.”

I believe one of the many reasons why my Paps left us so soon is because he wanted us to be INDEPENDENT. If he were here, we would completely rely on him. His passing away gave me strength to do all of this. I want him to be proud of me and of who I can be. So Paps! Eto na oh, paalis na ako. I know you’re happy for me. Samahan mo ako, okay? :)

Hai, I’ll miss everyone! It hurts me that I needed to choose between my career and family/friends/loved one. It hurts me so much I feel like crying every time I think of it. Ang hirap hirap talga. I just hope my prayers are heard by God. I pray that all my sacrifices are worth it. I pray that this is for me.  

Thanks to those who became part of this phase in my life. I feel your love with me through your words of encouragement and support. I could not have done this alone. Please keep in touch with me okay? I LOVE YOU ALL. <3

So, I guess this is it. It’s time to face a new challenge. It’s going to be hard, that’s for sure. New country, new life, new friends, new culture, new environment. There’s no doubt there will be lots of dull, emo and unhappy moments but technology will keep us together right? So paano, FB and chat nalang? I need your motivations especially on my down times. Please send me one from time to time. I’d appreciate it! :)

“I chose to be a risk taker.” Quoted from my Ate’s blog that touched me. It is then that I realized we really are sisters and that we were raised to be strong and confident. I pray that she finds her future in SG. :)

At 23, I have evolved into a fighter and yes, a risk taker. I don’t know where all the confidence is coming from. All I know is I have Vincent, my family, my friends and God with me in this fight. :)

PS. There’s only one thing I promised myself – KAYA KO ‘TO!!

Let Your will be done.

Photos by me and from Tumblr.

Love, Biancs

Let me introduce to you the number one man in my life, my Paps! :)

It has been 5 years now since Paps left to be at the most serene, solemn place in the world – heaven. I was 18 years old then when he died. I was in second year college and was just starting to enjoy my teenage years when it happened. Up until today, I don’t know the reason why he left us so soon. The reason is still yet to be discovered. No matter what it is, I know it’s part of God’s plan for our family. :)

My Paps is the nicest person I’ve ever known. He rarely rose (or never) his voice when he’s mad, neither did he lay his hands on us as punishments. All I remember of him was his round, smiling face. Hmm, I guess that’s where I got my looks (especially the round part). Haha. There were times when family friends gave comments like “Grabe Nelson na Nelson ah.” or “Parang kabiyak na puwet ni Nelson ah.” whenever they see me. It makes me smile because in a way, I let them see my Paps’ identity even if he’s away (sometimes we think that he’s on a very very very long excursion :p).

I miss countless things about him. Eighteen years of being with him was like forever, only that my memories of him include myself at a young age (not to mention my nene and baduy days).

I miss how we frequent Baguio for almost every break from school. It was a place for vacation and bond for our family. I still remember the day I bumped flat-face in our hotel’s sliding glass door and everyone laughed at me. HAHA.

I miss how we eat out and every Sunday after mass and almost for all occasions. I miss how we pigged out in a hotel’s breakfast buffet.

I miss how we had innumerable out-of-town trips every year. I know this has been your dream for all of us, to travel the world. :)

I miss the way you turned our home into a movie house whenever you watched pirated DVDs in a very loud volume. We end up shouting at each other.


I miss the days when we go out fishing. :)

I miss the way you say “Let’s go. Let’s go!” and “Jingle na, jingle!” before we leave for a long drive.

I miss how you do your crazy dance in front of us, blocking our view of the TV.

I miss the way you craved for ice cream and chocolates for like forever. Takaw!  

I miss the way you and Mommy act like lovers. I also miss the way you sort of fight about you playing tennis on weekends and not rest instead.

I remember the day we celebrated my 12th birthday in a bonggang way by mistake. We thought 12 years of age was the start of teenage years when in fact, it's actually thirTEEN. Haha. 

I remember the day you introduced to me beer when I was around 12 years old. Yes, beer. That day I learned you were the coolest Papa ever! :) Unfortunately, I’m still a weakling when it comes to alcohol.

Thank you for letting us see Cebu. That was our first ever airplane ride. 

Thank you for taking us on our very first trip to Boracay.

Thank you for taking us to Hong Kong and China few years back. Thank you for the money you gave us for shopping! :)

Thank you for giving me the funkiest debut ever. If only I knew this was your last year, we could have danced all night together. I’d even volunteer to do the LA Walk if you wanted to. :)

Thank you for taking us to Thailand as an extension of my 18^th birthday. I remember you not touring with us at Safari World because you were secretly attacked by your disease. I know you’ll get mad at me for posting these photos, but the year you died was the birth of digicams and these are all I got.

Thank you for giving us a beautiful home, which we named Gracia for it, gave us countless blessings. It also miraculously saved us from Ondoy. It was as if you knew it was coming one day.

Thank you for giving us all the means to visit Los Angeles and Las Vegas. This was so far the best 2 weeks of our lives! If it wasn’t for you, we could not have seen the beauty of the USA. I know you were with us on that trip. It’s great huh? :)

Thank you for preparing everything for us, including our education.. I feel sorry that you did not witness my graduation, capping, pinning, oath taking, board exam taking and my first day on my first job. I know you were with me on those days. :)

Thank you for the braces that made my teeth way way better today. :)

Thank you for accepting Vincent as my boyfriend even though you haven’t met him. I know you like him. :)

With you I learned a lot of things:

To be humble no matter what life status I may be at.

To be generous and helpful to those who are in need.

To be happy and just enjoy life as it goes.

To be a believer of God and to put Him as the center of my life.

To pray before I eat.

To respect my Mom and all other people may they be aged or not.

To be a family-oriented person.

To love my sisters.

That height doesn’t matter in this world.

That you have to adjust with other people.

Who I am today is all because of you and Mommy’s hard work of raising a child. Yes, you were not here when I needed you most, especially when I was confused of whether to pursue my Australia plans or not, but I know deep in my heart, that you are with me in every step that I take.

Now that I am 23 and about to face a new challenge in life, I strongly hold on to all the virtues you’ve taught me. I want you to know that you are my inspiration and that I dream of fulfilling the things you’ve left undone for our family. One day, your angels will tour the world, promise! :)

Now that you’re up there, can you please ask Jesus to hear my prayers? And also, if he’s in a good mood, to give me a few inches more to become taller? HAHA. :)

Hm confused if this was me or Kim. Haha.

I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU. Please show up in my dreams! :)

PS. Treasure every moment you have with your father while it lasts. There are people who are longing for such but can't do anything about it. Love them, hug them and kiss them while you can. :)

Love, Yays.

For eight or so months of working in a corporate world, I got to meet the weirdest yet the best people in the world. Haha. Yes, we are weird in our own ways. Boys and girls don’t deny it. ;p

The pioneer team started out with four members: me, Geci, Dannah and Kris. We rarely talked to each other except on lunch times. We were so quiet and solemn, as if we were writing 10 BPPs a day (Pero ang totoo nagnnet lang kami). After several days, another group arrived, and then came the not-so-peaceful working area. Haha.  At first everyone was reading each other, trying to act safely. Eventually, everyone was comfortable and was putting up jokes and hirits.

We enjoyed each other’s presence to the point that we cared less with other teams. We rarely mingled with other people except when needed to (or in that case never).  If you’re not part of the team, you’d think that we’re fighting when in fact we’re just talking.

The day I resigned marked the first day of leaving the best people I’ve ever met. The people who:

Muff. Hello. Hehe.

Ken. Hi. Haha.

Bug. Bug off!

It’s amazing how none of us end up fighting. Keep it up everyone! Love each other except umm bug? Good luck BPP slaves. :p

Thank you for making my corporate life unforgettable. I’ll always treasure you guys. Keep in touch okay? When I get back, get together tayo at Pae’s house! HAHAHA. Saan pa ba diba? Thank you again for the gifts I received on my birthday and on my last day. Ako na ang nakarami ng regalo. :) Thank you for the memories. I’ll miss you all! :)    

Photos from Aly. Others, stolen from FB. :D

Love, Biancs. :)