Filo friends. :)

Got to see Melbourne. :)

Celebrated 24th birthday.

Got my Nursing registration. Thank you, Lord! :)

There comes a time in your life when you just feel like quitting. The feeling of getting exhausted with everything that has to be done but there’s just so little time.  Parang nakikipaghabulan ka sa oras and all you just want to do is to get away from all the stress you’re going through.

My mind tells me to go on. To do this and do that, to finish this and start the other right after. My mind tells me I can do it, but sometimes my body just can’t. You know you are under stress when you lie on bed and try to get some sleep, and all of a sudden you cry. Maybe it’s a combination of stress and tiredness, or maybe my mind is under complete anxiety. Sometimes I think that it’s all in my mind, that I just think too much putting more pressure and stress on myself.

Right now, I am exhausted and worried for my future. Sometimes I ask myself, “Ano ba tong pinaggagagawa ko sa sarili ko.”

From now on, I will regain myself. I have always been optimistic (but sometimes you just fail) and I know that this is just a part of the challenge. I know that one day, every hardships and tears spent will pay off. I know that God is always beside me to give me strength. It’s hard to be away from family on times like these, but it’s good to have friends around. And thanks to cyber world, people I love are just a message away.

Haay. Few more steps and you’re done, B! I can do this!

*Photos from Tumblr*

Feeling down yet hopeful,

B.

Time has gone by so fast. Faster than what I expected it to be. Darkness fills the street at 6pm and temperature starts to drop at 17 degrees. This only means one thing; winter is right around the corner! It was winter when I first arrived in the Land Down Under. I can’t believe that I’ve been living here for almost a year now.  Everything went by quickly, and fortunately, according to how I pictured it to be.

Four months from now my visa will expire. At present, I have no idea what will happen to me. It’s either I get a job and stay here or fly back to the Philippines. I don’t know. Only God knows. I can feel the pressure now that I only have five more weeks to finish my lectures and assignments. After that, I need to complete few more weeks of placement and I’m officially done! Seriously, ang bilis nalang non!

I’m at that moment when you just want to do everything at the same time. Psychology ‘Juno’ essay, Ethics essay, Rationale Development Exercise, extra readings and placement. Just get it over with! Add to it my desire of earning money through my part-time jobs. If only I could do everything without risking myself of getting sick and having unfairly marks. Meron pa pala, the anxiety of trying to get a job after I finish Uni is so high. I have to compete with so many nursing students so as not to get myself deported back home without achieving anything after those months of hard work.

The pressure is ON.

One thing that gives me continuous strength for this fight is my faith in God (Apart from my family and loved ones, of course). I know He has planned everything for me in such a way that after the difficult times come success and happiness. I have so much faith that there’s a part of me that isn’t that scared and terrified. Besides, I wouldn’t have reached this far for nothing.

One thing’s for sure, no matter what happens in 4 months time I WILL NEVER EVER HAVE REGRETS for doing such a brave act.

Let Your will always be done.

*PS. I miss my Paps and everyone back home.*

*Photos from Tumblr*

Love,

B.

Easter here is simple, quiet and compared to what I grew up with, they paid so much attention to Easter bunnies and Easter eggs. There were tons of Easter bunnies in shopping centers and I thought, “What’s the point of bunnies?” For me bunnies resemble the adult-only Playboy magazine. Haha. But no, it’s tradition here that Easter bunnies give Easter eggs to children. It’s like Santa in a different season.

I’m not a fan of chocolates and I have this feeling that my chocolate Easter eggs will last for at least 3 months before I finish them, or I might end up giving them away. The point is, this choc-egg-giving is a new thing for me, and at some point I felt like I was a kid again. :)

On Black Saturday, my cousins and I went to Bracegirlde's, one of the best coffee place in Adelaide. This is Hot Dark Chocolate Mocha. It's THE best! 

However, it was during those days that I missed my family’s usual Holy Week bonding. I kept myself updated on what my family is up to through FB and Instagram. I almost died of jealousy. Hahaha!  Here's what I missed: 

Kapampangan's version of Jesus' last hours. 

I hope next year will be little more exciting for me, but wherever I am I'll definitley get myself some Easter Eggs! :) 

*Photos from my sisters and cousin.*

B.

This week I was assigned to look after a patient who has MND or Motor Neuron Disease. This is a horrible disease that will slowly kill you. For me, this is worst than any type of Cancer. This has no cure, unlike cancer that has some chances of survival through chemotherapy. MND attacks all motor neurons, including those in the legs, trunk, arms, swallowing and even breathing. It will leave you paralyzed. It’s a killing-me-softly disease.

My patient is only 59 years old who previously worked as a Registered Nurse until symptoms of her disease were noticed. She can’t walk, sit up or move any part of her lower body. Her arms (which are only strong enough to ring the bell) and head are the only parts she can control. A lifter is used to transfer her from bed to chair, or bed to toilet. Her communication skill is next to nothing. She moans and tries her best to say what she needs, but in the end, I don’t understand anything. All she can say were ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. She rings the bell to ask you to change the channel of the television, move her knees apart from each other, raise the head of the bed or have a sip of water. All of these I was able to comprehend after 3 minutes of pulling out words out of her.

What I like about her was despite her condition, she still manages to smile. She is 100% coherent, and if you tell her jokes she gets it and grin. She can’t say ‘Thank you’, but through her smiles, you know and feel that she appreciates everything you do for her.  

The sad part is, because of her condition, she is neglected by her family. She lives in a nursing home ever since she was diagnosed. The family can’t just handle her needs and complete dependency. Her 15-year old son was distant with her, but when you ask her she makes it seem like he was the perfect son. This I guess is called a mother’s love.

I feel so bad for her both for being in that condition and for having a selfish family. I told her that if by any chance I get to work in the nursing home where she resides, I will look for her. She smiled and nodded her head. For the two days I spent with her, I made it sure I looked after her with respect, care and love. It’s all I can offer.

She never wished to have that awful disease. She never imagined herself to live in a nursing home at a young age. Most of all, she never wanted her family to neglect her. So for everyone like me who is as healthy as a newborn baby, take care of your loved ones. If at some point, they become a burden to you, always think: “What if I was the one in his/her position? How do I want to be treated?”  

B.

My birthday has always been one of the most important events in my life. I don’t know why, but there’s something about this day that makes me feel loved. Not that I don’t feel loved in my usual days, it’s just I feel EXTRA loved. Haha. I feel so special even if there are no big parties to commemorate it. It’s something I look forward to right at the start of the year. O diba, 2 months advance ang anticipation. Haha. It has always been a feel-good day for me. :) 

For my birthday, I normally go out on a date, or have a simple dinner at home with my family. This year was different. The day before my special day, I invited my friends to have a picnic with me at Elder Park. Saktong chill lang under the tree, overlooking the river and sharing stories while munching on good food. The weather was perfect as well – warm with a cold breeze. It’s one of the most relaxing birthdays I’ve ever had. 

Another best thing about it was the effort of my friends to surprise me. (This is what I like the most – SURPRISES!) At some point in our chillaxing day, I needed to go to the toilet to wee. When I got back, my friends already had balloons, party hats and a cake for me! They even had a video prepared for me. How sweet is that?! 

Today, my exact birthday, my family here and I went to Sushi Train for lunch. When we got back at home, they sang me ‘Happy Birthday’ (Aussie style) and I blew my hard-to-mention cake. Haha. 

I miss my family, friends and special someone who have always been a big part of my special day. It would have been perfect if I were with them. Yes, this year was different but it definitely made me happy. It was simple and genuine, warm and sincere. I am truly very blessed. Thank you for my friends who helped made this day happen. Thank you for my family here to celebrate it with.

Thank you, Lord for this day. I love you.

Xoxo,

B the “B”day girl :)

Christmas in Australia. Okay, I must say it’s completely different from the usual celebration that I have had for the past 22 years of my life. In all honesty, I did not feel any bit of Christmas this year.

First of all, the weather is different. Christmas is in Summer here. The sun is up for longer hours and sets down at around 9pm. Feels a bit weird, though. Haha. 

There were no Christmas lights and parols displayed in the neighborhood. I miss our bright and dazzling home that lights up the street throughout the “ber” months. I miss our Christmas tree that my mom carefully puts together. I miss Simbang Gabis. I miss puto bumbongs and bibingkas. I miss those countless Christmas parties with relatives and friends. In other words, I miss the Christmas spirit Filipinos have.  

Looking at the brighter side, I am so thankful and blessed because I did not celebrate it alone. I have my family, Anakat and the Filipino community here to have a good time with. It might not have been the ideal gathering but it still was something to be thankful for.

Here's a simple prayer from me:

Dear Jesus,

Happy nth birthday! You are indeed the reason to be jolly this Christmas.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for the life you have given me. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for keeping my family safe and healthy. Thank you for none of my loved ones are affected by Sendong.

I pray for the victims of this terrifying typhoon. I pray for those who are miserable and seeking for reasons to live. I share to those who are hungry and homeless the overwhelming food I take, and the comfortable bed I have.

Xo, Biancs

On Boxing Day, A and I went to Harbourtown to buy ourselves Christmas presents. We made sure everything was pasok sa budget! 

Let's all find happiness this Christmas. May we all find the true meaning of this season. It's not about the material things we received. Sometimes a heart-warming message, a hug or a Christmas card will do. 

Merry Christmas everyone! :)

PS. I am looking forward to be back home next Christmas!